May the 4th be with you at the Hayden Orpheum (the right kind of Hayden)

Last Sunday (May the 4th), we went to see the original Star Wars trilogy on the big screen at the Hayden Orhpeum in Cremorne, North Sydney.

It was a lot of fun, as the Orpheum is quite an old cinema and really embraced the whole Star Wars Day thing. The show started with Darth Vader playing music from the Star Wars soundtrack on a Wurlitzer organ and was followed by a competition for the best Star Wars fancy dress before the films themselves.

(The winner was a very cute miniature Boba Fett.)

I must say, it was great watching the old films on the big screen again. They definitely show their age a bit but it was fun watching with an appreciative audience. The good thing about Star Wars fans is that they are perfectly aware that the films are full of cheesy (if charming) moments, and so there was a lot of applause and occasional laughter at some of the hokier lines and innuendo.

Sitting in a classic cinema watching some classic films did make me realise a couple of things, though.

Firstly, modern cinemas are better. They should be, given how much more expensive they are, but seven hours sitting in an old-style cinema seat really made me appreciate modern “stadium style” seating. (Though I’ve never understood why they call it that, given how uncomfortable stadium seats are!)

Secondly, don’t mess with a classic. The most unfortunate thing of the day is that they did not actually screen the original films - instead we got the “Special Edition” versions.

The last time I saw all three films at the cinema was when the Special Editions were released. At that time, the novelty value masked how terrible the changes actually were. This time, it had been quite a few years since I’d last seen the films and the changes - and how bad they were - really stuck out.

At best they were pointless, such as the extra Tatooine CGI sandtroopers on Dewbacks. However, most of the additions actively made the films worse. Slapstick CGI animals and droids in Mos Eisley, during what should have been a tense scene? Bad. CGI addition of “wonderful human being” Jabba the Hutt in Episode IV? Bad. Making Greedo shoot before (or possibly concurrent with) Han Solo? Bad. Bad. Replacing Sebastian Shaw with Hayden Christensen at the end of Return of the Jedi? Bad. Bad. Bad.

In a way, it was actually slightly ironic that we saw the films in the Hayden Orpheum - the Hayden Christensen replacement got the only audience boo of the night. Why, George, why‽‽

The Special Edition nonsense was not a major distraction, though, and I would still recommend the triple bill on a future Star Wars Day. (Although I think I have my fix for a few years!) The final thing it made me realise is that Star Wars is such a cultural phenomenon, enriched by many of the spin-offs (especially those that take the piss), it really is deserving of a day of celebration.

May the Fourth be with you, always.

A fan fixes Star Wars (Machete Order)

Like many of my generation, I am big Star Wars fan. I watched the original films more times than I care to remember and many more times than I care to admit. I probably went through half my teenage years able to recite the entire script to Star Wars (or A New Hope if you must) - including sound effects. I played Star Wars: The Roleplaying Game (the original one) and kicked ass at X-Wing on the PC. I was a Star Wars nerd.

Also like many of my generation, I was less enamoured by the prequels when they came out (although I should have seen the warning signs in the Special Edition trilogy - Han Solo shoots first for crying out loud. Grrrr. (Let it go, Rich, let it go...)) The Phantom Menace in particular was pretty terrible, however much the fan in me tried to be convinced otherwise. I really wanted it to be good. But it sucked. Darth Maul was pretty cool (except his death, which was pretty lame,) but the young Anakin was terrible, Jar-Jar Binks was really terrible, Midi-chlorians were beyond terrible and, perhaps worst of all, the whole script was a shocker. The only good thing about Episode I was the number of fantastically therapeutic spoofs it has spawned, especially at the hands of Robot Chicken (e.g. here and here). Well, that and the poster with the young Anakin and the shadow of Darth Vader.

My own fix to The Menace was to watch the DVD and just fast-forward all the bits I really didn't like, which was basically every time Jar-Jar or Anakin were on screen (except the pod race, which had good sound effects). This, and excising the Midi-chlorian scenes, actually works surprisingly well at turning The Phantom Menace into something quite watchable (and shorter) even if the already weak plot of that particular movie is watered down further still.

Rod Hilton on his blog, Absolutely No Machete Juggling, goes one further and has a plan for fixing the series with The Star Wars Saga: Introducing Machete Order His recommendation:

"Next time you want to introduce someone to Star Wars for the first time, watch the films with them in this order: IV, V, II, III, VI"

As well as re-ordering the films to safeguard some of the plot twists that the prequels ruin mightily, he excises Episode I altogether.

"Episode I is a failure on every possible level. The acting, writing, directing, and special effects are all atrocious, and the movie is just plain boring. Luckily, George Lucas has done everyone a favor by making the content of Episode I completely irrelevant to the rest of the series. Seriously, think about it for a minute. Name as many things as you can that happen in Episode I and actually help flesh out the story in any subsequent episode. I can only think of one thing, which I’ll mention later."

I won't go into the rest of the reasoning here but will instead recommend that you scoot over to Rod's blog. It's an old post (November '11) and quite long but if you are a fan (or were) and you've not come across it before, it's well worth a read. I've not yet tried out Machete Order myself but will be remembering it should I ever need to introduce someone to Star Wars in the future.